


If This Is What Happens When You Go (Maybe Next Time Don't)

by Snakebitten_Heart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, What do i tag this its so short, ereri, putting that last tag there jsut in case, remeniscing, sad thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-04 17:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1787461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snakebitten_Heart/pseuds/Snakebitten_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, it is moments like this that remind me that our mistakes are irreversible, for we are not as indestructible as we think ourselves to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If This Is What Happens When You Go (Maybe Next Time Don't)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this is a drabble that wrote a few months back, and seeing as i cant seem to find the motivation to finish any of my other stories, I decided post this here instead for the sake of calling something finally complete and share-worthy.
> 
> The long-ass title was taken from the song 'Arrivals' by Silverstein
> 
> EDIT 9/26/15: I've made some changes to this and therefore am changing the publication date. To any new readers, hello! Also, sorry because I know the end sounds kind of like John Green but that's because it kind of was and I'm too uncreative to change it any more than I have.

_Levi_ **  
**

It is so often night like this, when I am reminded, by the empty sheets I’m enveloped in and the blank walls surrounding me- haunting like the memories of so many before us- of a time much better- yet simultaneously worse- than now. It is when I close my eyes at night and stare at the vacant corners of my mind, that I am aware of what could have, but should not, and never will have been.

I think of  _Him._

I am reminded of nights of too-bright colors and muffled laughter, of dancing and exuberance and fun. I’m reminded of hushed whispers under duvets, sharing pillows and cold feet, promises we would forget in the morning but say nonetheless because in that moment we were forever. We were the then and the now and the past and the future all in one and nothing and no one ever mattered. We didn't care about the morning or any of the troubles it brought with it. We were free.

It is these nights, as I stare at the blue and green flourishes behind my eyelids- the only remaining bits of light I have left in this empty space- that I am reminded of blinding red. In particular, the blinding red that was only described as _Eren_  and the entirety of light that comes with him.  Like the sparklers he held so dangerously close on the fourth of July, or the flashlights he carried on our late night escapades- often times involving too much liquor and a lack of any sophisticated being to tell us when too much was too much. And I remember, as the lights flickered off of his face, how he brought a new definition to the word glowing. I remember thinking that the incandescent red Eren emitted was not only blinding, but extraordinarily beautiful.

He was like the sun.

If only that was all I could remember from that time, though. God did not wish to be so forgiving.

Instead I am also reminded of times much more unfortunate than now; of desperate cries in back alleys, waking up at five in the morning knowing _something’s_ wrong, yet not knowing _what._ I am reminded of sitting in the back of that car thinking ‘ _please, don’t take him._ _Take me,’_ only to find out later the misfortunate outcome of his fate; a reminder that even the brightest of glows have to burn out at one time or another to make room for new light.

In the end, it is moments like this that remind me that our mistakes are irreversible, for we are not as indestructible as we think ourselves to be. When other adults say, "We are humans, not armor," they are absolutely right about how despairingly wrong these kids are. I do not wish to sound bitter, as he did not wish to leave this earth. But it happens, and I have witnessed it happen over again, and all I can say is that they cannot stop it. It just, _happens_ , and I don’t know exactly what _it_ is, but I know it is something, and I am sure it will happen again. And it will be much more devastating than the last.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is vxrbatiim.tumblr.com


End file.
